Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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