he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
