FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
