I think im going to throw up on grandma
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
