I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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