"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
