well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
