I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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