Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
