This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
high people should be assigned attendants
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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