I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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