he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
