I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
