I wish life had little blips of pornography
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
