I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
