i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
