Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
