my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
