woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
