thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
