They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
