I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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