I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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