i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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