you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
