just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
