i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
