I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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