and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
