my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
