I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
