I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
