He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
