I wish I could teleport
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
My vagina just clenched in fear
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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