community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
