We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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