I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
