watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
