4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
