I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
