trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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