I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
