So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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