She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
