I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
