My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
