Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
