i wish peter jackson would direct porn
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
