honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
