I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
