obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
