Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
