PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
