i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
